What if there was a Sunday League made up entirely of tradesmen? Well, with the ‘Cock Inn’ team, they’re exactly that! But who are our players?

First up we have goalkeeper Matt ‘The Cat’. Being a groundworker, he hasn’t washed his kit since Gazza’s tears in 1990. We’re not sure if he’s ever brushed his teeth…

In the centre of the field is our luxury midfielder, prima donna and sometimes sparkie Dave Powers. He cares more about his boots and his hair than the team. Last season’s stats indicate he made a total of zero tackles and ran just 11 metres!

Out on the wing is young Timmy. Being a site apprentice, he’s used to doing nothing for 90 minutes. They can’t seem to get him off his phone!

Coming off the bench… or not… is our painter, Smudger. He loves to be on the sidelines taking it easy. The only way he’ll take his halftime orange is with a double vodka!

At the head of the ‘Cock’ is Mike Rotch. Not content to boss people around on site, he’s also taken charge of the team. He’s got no idea what he’s doing but he’s very angry about it. He’s definitely more McLaren than Mourinho.

In charge of today’s fixture is Harry Steven Edwards, also known as HSE. A power-mad Health and Safety officer, he’s well known for his unusual kit choices. If he had his way, football would be a non-contact sport.

Check out the lads in action for yourself here:

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